By Shanshu Patel-
Parents all over the world are being urged to be conscious of the potential effect emotional abuse can have on their children, although many are often oblivious of its effects.
Experts say moodiness and unpredictable behaviour by parents can increase a child’s anxiety incredibly, affecting their mental well being in the long term
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The warning comes as research shows that many parents in Asia, particularly India, China, Japan, and Africa can be extremely pressurizing on their children because of a desire to see them successful as adults when they grow up. Some parents in the west can also be very pressurizing on their children, but the proportion of such parents are comparatively smaller than that of the West.
Parents who heap enormous pressure on their children also sometimes go as far as hurling insults and making rude and sarcastic comments against their children, totally blind of the potential impact aggressively induced conduct of this kind can have on the development and self esteem of the child.
Although some commentators say comparing successes or failures with other kids’ achievements can slowly sabotage a child’s confidence and their self-esteem, others say it can also be a helpful mechanism of challenging them to aim high. The problem is that parents who form a habit of emotionally abusing their children, have the same proclivity to abuse their wives in situations where they are unhappy about a particular outcome, or after a hard day that has been unfavourable.
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Analysts have expressed concern that some parents push their children at a young age in an attempt to see them excel in later years, arguing that placing unrealistic expectations can be more damaging than helpful if the children are subjected to intense abuse in the process of falling short of those standards While some expectations can be positive, helping your child set an aim, high, impractical expectations can lead to frustration, misunderstanding and even fear of failure.
The Times Of India today began a campaign to address abusive conduct of all kinds, particularly by parents against children. The national publication is addressing a whole range of problems in families, including manipulation and excessive criticism against children, and also against spouses and partners.
Researchers studying abusive behaviour which is widespread in Indian families, but also in many other countries, are concerned that too many narcissistic parents are ‘gaslighting’ their children and partners in a manner that can destroy their confidence completely, and in many cases lead to troubling levels of isolation.
A spokesperson for the paper told this publication: ” it is very important that parents realize the duty on them when pursuing any necessary level of disciplined upbringing with their children, not to be emotionally abusive because of the dangers it can poses on a child’s mind in the short and long term. Criticism must always be constructive and reasonable reasonable.
Many parents have lofty aspirations for their children and want the best from them to provide a good future, but we must not go to far in our goals to achieve that. As adults, we must always be conscious to be too much in our dealings with children, partners, or anyone. It is absolutely important parents are conscious of not being narcissistic in our behaviour”.
Studies have found that parents whose children attend schools that have a rigorous academic curriculum with serious consequences for those who fail in school often leads to parents pushing their children to work very hard, some even pushing them to work ahead of their year, and harshly criticizing children who slack behind. Many children under the age of 12 are pushed too much, and need
Studies have shown that in many cases, pushy parents take out their own mood swings on their children, as they unleash the pressures of their own day on children they feel are not meeting up to the standards they have set for them.
Children who suffer emotional abuse can eventually seek solace from bad influence in an attempt to cope with the psychological pressure , even if they eventually do well at school. In some cases, the resulting depression can prevent them from doing as well as they normally would in the absence of the emotional abuse.
There are parents who subject their children to emotional abuse without necessarily being in connection with pushing them to excel. Excessive shouting at children and name calling can contribute to emotional abuse of a child, and develop low self esteem in such children.
Professor of Psychology, Rajinder Kumar from Delhi, told The Eye Of Media.Com: ”it is important that parents are very conscious of the way they deal with their children. All parents want the best for their children, but when a parent behaves in a manner that becomes can amount to emotional abuse, they need to be aware of it. We must be careful the kind of names we call our children in anger, and the tone of our voices when we criticize them. It is always good to balance strong constructive criticism with praise where possible, and remind our children that we want what’s best for them”.
Environments where pressure is intense and where cultural practices are endemic in the system can sometimes be a problem.
India, for example is trying to stamp out pressure on women to marry into particular families where a dowry must be paid, especially where the women may not want that. Families that subject their women to unnecessary pressure, risk sparking a level of depression in them which could be very dangerous.
Last week, three sisters and their children were found dead in a well after they left a message blaming the family they had married into. Kalu, Kamlesh and Mamta Meena were victims of a dispute over dowries, the often hefty sums Indian parents pay to marry off their daughters.
The sisters had wed brothers from the same household and lived under the same roof, but suffered constant violence from their husbands and in-laws, according to the trio’s grieving relatives.
They were abused constantly, they say, when their father failed to meet demands for more money.
Some emotionally abusive parents may be capable of committing atrocious crimes if circumstances find them extremely stressed enough to snap.
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