By Ashley Young-
Women on Reddit have exposed their lack of understanding of sexual harassment, as many shared their perceived experiences of sexual harassment, which they claim to face on a daily basis.
In a male dominated world, it is no news that men who sexually harass women will never disappear, completely. They could show up at work in the form of a boss or colleague, or show up as the random stranger in the streets.
The discussion, started by an interesting user u/dudeARama2, asked women to give examples of ‘the subtle kinds of low-grade sexual harassment [they] face on a constant basis’.
The thread, which has produced more than 5,000 comments from women sharing their experiences at work and on a regular basis, reveals the level of misunderstanding women have about sexual harassment. Many cited examples that revealed discomfort, but was confused for harassment.
One woman complained of a colleague who claimed to be happy every time a lockdown is announced because she won’t have to put up with a male colleague always making passes at her. The fact she had made her disapproval clear confirms the element of harassment in her complaint.
Another woman wrote: ” I am constantly receiving begging messages from my ex boyfriend, after telling him it’s over, and I am interested in someone else. Why can’t men take no for answer”?, she asks.
The woman is being begged by a heart broken man, but his text messages amount to persuasion and an appeal for reconciliation. Harassment becomes real in a case like this only after the woman insists that the communication stops.
The Harassment Act 1997 defines harassment as: pursuing a course of conduct that amounts to alarm or distress, or which a reasonable person in the shoes of the complainant would conclude amounts to alarm or distress”. It generally requires 2 or more incidences, and was brought in to address he phenomenon of stalking”.
One hand therapist who joined the thread said she has lost count of the number of times a man has tried to ‘hold’ her hand back.
In response to a question put to women: what are the subtle kinds of low grade sexual harassment you face on a constant basis ? from AskReddit, there were may responses. Some of those that stood out were interesting when analysed. One read:
‘I have to show people how to massage their scars effectively after their surgery because otherwise they can become stuck to the bone/tendon underneath,’ she explained.
‘To do this I have to put cream on the scar and then demonstrate the right pressure to put on while they massage it. I’ve lost count of the amount of times a man has tried to ‘hold’ my hand back, or make some lewd comment about how I can massage elsewhere if I like. Just no, yuck,’ she wrote.
The collective experience of having someone hold her hand back would make a woman feel harassed altogether, but not in each individual case, more especially where it was the first time it occurred by that particular male individual, but the unpermitted touching in itself could easily qualify for common assault, if the woman actually lodged a formal complaint.
The reasonable woman can at best try to avoid being in close proximity to stranger men who may want to hold their hand back, but harassment requires a ‘pursuit’ by the same individual, which alarms the complainant.
Women approached by different men in the same day would feel harassed, but have not actually been harassed by any single one of the men, except where any of the men pursued a course of conduct
Drunk Men
Another woman said it was normal for her friends, who work in a nightclub, to expect to see drunk men waiting outside the venue after closing waiting for them to finish.
She said it was totally normal by this point for most of the girls to be driven home by club bouncers ‘just in case’.
This example is not harassment, rather it shows that drunk men who have nothing better to do spend their time waiting to chat the women up. Harassment begins, once women walk away, or make it clear they do not wan to be spoken to, and the men continue to the point the woman is alarmed or distressed.
Pixabay
Another shared the uncomfortable encounters she experienced at her office job where she was expected to receive hugs simply because she is a woman.
‘When I worked in an office there were a lot of sales reps who didn’t care that I didn’t want to be touched because they were huggers. Men older than my parents would shake hands with the other people in my department but insist I stand up for a hug. When I brought it up to my boss, I was told they were old school salesmen and to just laugh it off,’ she said.
This example is harassment because the men are aware the complainant didn’t want to be touched, and could easily be alarmed by the continued request for a hug.
One woman, a lawyer who used to work at a pro bono clinic, said that