BY GABRIEL PRINCEWILL
The sad killing of Sannah Javed is not the first time a woman has been killed by her lover. Unfortunately, it will not be the last.
Too many times, women accept violent men by providing the foolish reason that they love them. They hope the man will change, when in reality, most violent men cannot resist the urge they attack their spouses once things are not going their way. The harsh reality is that a woman who fails to realize that a man who cannot restrict his actions to verbal communication is not a real man.
Communication is the key to understanding, the vehicle to compromise and progress. Any relationship that lacks this vital quality is heading for trouble right from the beginning. Relationships based on attraction alone demonstrate an immaturity on the part of both parties. Mutual attraction is the basis of interest, but the virtues that ultimately sustain a relationship is genuine love immersed in the quality to reason and resolve disputes sensibly. This sometimes may require the joint involvement of a trusted and reliable third party like a counselor, good friend, or family member.
Yet, there is the wide misconception that involving a third party equates intrusion into a relationship that doesn’t concern them. This may be true where the third party involves themselves without invitation, even though it is avowedly necessary in some situations. Had somebody in the dead girl’s family taking a strong stand, she may still be here today. That’s if she heeded whatever good advise she was given. Notwithstanding, there is no hard and fast rule for third parties in producing miracles for the victim of a violent relationship- ultimately, they must recognize good advise and act on it promptly. Any smart female in a violent relationship will end it quickly, or seek a lot of wise counselling if they feel compelled to stay in it. Sometimes where both parties have children, the woman may understandably stay in the relationship for the sake of the children. However, where one is dealing with a prolific offender, the question a woman needs to ask herself is whether she would rather be alive without the man, or dead, also without the man? The same question applies with the strong subjective conviction that she loves him. There a’int no love in the grave darling! You need to think about that!
A cursory glance and the sad tale that culminated in the untimely death of this young lady reveals her lack of discretion in drawing a line over a woefully doomed relationship. She accepted his empty, baseless words of ”I’m really sorry, I’ll never do it again, I’ll never shout again and touch you”. But he not only touch her, he killed her! And he got away with murder! The evil waste of space will serve seven years for extinguishing the life of someone’s sister, someone’s mother, all because he could not control himself. The wine Sanah said ” I love”, she will never drink again, but Abu will live to drink many more bottles, laugh and dance, and enter another relationship. She is gone forever!
BRUISES
All the 51 bruises that included a fractured eye socket demonstrated a flagrant disregard for her personal safety, yet this is the same man who vowed never to touch her again. Did he mean it when he said it? No way! All he wanted was to have her back. He did not want anybody else to have her, even if it meant someone who would treat her better. He would want to be able to get his sexual kick when he wanted it, from the same girl. She had applied for a restraining order on him, but she took him back before the restraining order was served on Abu. There isn’t much the law can do to help women who revisit the same old violent past. Consent is one right the law afford everybody, irrespective of the circumstances. You see , once a woman goes as far as putting a restraining order on a man, but rescinds that order, she needs help. Some women are lucky enough to continue with the same man without any recurrence of violence. Many are not so fortunate. Every rule has exceptions.
Domestic violence in which men subject their partners to violence does not mean the women are angels in the situations. Many times, the women are provocative in their words and in their actions. Women also have a responsibility to be smart and reasonable, and act with foresight. It is incredibly foolish to talk to a man with a violent history just how you like. This is not suggesting Sannah Javed was reckless in her words to her violent boyfriend, rather I am giving a generalized advise. It is sometimes better for women to stomach some insults and get out of the relationship with your life in tact. In short, it helps to foresee when danger is coming, and avert it. This advise does not mean danger can always be immediately foreseen. The message here is that women have a role to play in managing a terrible relationship they have chosen to remain in, by behaving as wisely as possible.
However, physical violence is never justified, no matter how your partner behaves . The mouth and the brain exist for communication, intense discussion, with the eventual goal of resolution.Relationships that don’t appreciate this basic truth are not real relationships, they are addictions. They are based on not real love, but infatuations. Eye of Media extend our deepest condolences to the family and friends of Sannah Javed. It must be a terribly sad time for them. Most importantly, we hope every woman will learn from this sad story. When a man says ‘I am sorry’ for attacking you,just think of the frightening possibility that you may not even live to be sorry for the foolish judgement of believing him, and the deadly decision of taking him back. May the soul of Sannah Javed rest in perfect peace.